Dear Mom and Dad,
First, I would like to thank you for letting me move back home, even though it has yet to happen and I have yet to complain about anything. I am very fortunate to have that option. Not everyone does. You two have always been very supportive, even when you didn't agree with my decisions.
Second, I want to thank you for (almost) always having a sense of humor about everything that goes on in our lives. However, the sex jokes need to be toned down a bit.
Third, I hope to always be there for you if you should ever need me. I may not always have the finances to solve your problems, but I will always do my best. I may not be able to buy you a new laptop, or a car, or a wedding dress, or a wedding for that matter, or a year of college, or 18 + years of food and clothes and toys and insurance and education.
Fourth, thank you for bringing me up in a house where I can be myself and not hide who I am. You do not judge any of your children. They have the right to use a payday loan to buy a grill for their teeth, have a baby as a freshmen in high school, have a girlfriend live with us (and then not move out), or go to college for something stupid. While you did make fun of us for some these stupid decisions, you never made it so we could not come home. I know I appreciate it and I am sure the other three do to.
Thanks.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
#2: Letter to Your Crush
Dear Ryan Reynolds,
I am so sorry to hear that you and Scarlet Johansson did not work out. However, I think there is another option that would be better for you: Me. Here are a few reasons we should be together (in no particular order).
1. We are both newly divorced. Going thru this alone can be overwhelming. I am willing to help you thru this hard time.
2. You were named People's Sexiest Man Alive whereas I am the sexiest woman that lives in Apartment K. See the connection?
3. I want to be domestic. How do you like your eggs? I will cook them for you. Do you prefer Era or Tide? I don't have a preference.
4. I enjoy naked time. You may not want to go Full Monty right away, so I can settle for Topless Tuesdays. Whatever works for you.
5. I am used to winter weather. I know you are from Canada and Indiana is very similar in climate. So long as we take frequent trips to warmer places, I am good to live in Canada too.
6. I may still have artwork that says "Kathy and Ryan." I haven't cleaned up everything at my old house yet. This includes a framed piece of art from one of my friends. It was a wedding gift for me and the other Ryan.
7. Reynolds is an easy last name to pronounce. I will have no problem taking your name, dear.
8. We are both Packer fans. That should be enough right there.
9. I have gotten really good at doing "special things" recently and I would love to practice on you.
Give me a call sometime.
I am so sorry to hear that you and Scarlet Johansson did not work out. However, I think there is another option that would be better for you: Me. Here are a few reasons we should be together (in no particular order).
1. We are both newly divorced. Going thru this alone can be overwhelming. I am willing to help you thru this hard time.
2. You were named People's Sexiest Man Alive whereas I am the sexiest woman that lives in Apartment K. See the connection?
3. I want to be domestic. How do you like your eggs? I will cook them for you. Do you prefer Era or Tide? I don't have a preference.
4. I enjoy naked time. You may not want to go Full Monty right away, so I can settle for Topless Tuesdays. Whatever works for you.
5. I am used to winter weather. I know you are from Canada and Indiana is very similar in climate. So long as we take frequent trips to warmer places, I am good to live in Canada too.
6. I may still have artwork that says "Kathy and Ryan." I haven't cleaned up everything at my old house yet. This includes a framed piece of art from one of my friends. It was a wedding gift for me and the other Ryan.
7. Reynolds is an easy last name to pronounce. I will have no problem taking your name, dear.
8. We are both Packer fans. That should be enough right there.
9. I have gotten really good at doing "special things" recently and I would love to practice on you.
Give me a call sometime.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
# 1: Letter to You Best Friend
Curled up in the fetal position on your living room floor, I clutch my abdomen and roll back and forth looking for a comfortable position. After a half hour of watching me suffer, you grab my purse and announce that you are taking me to the ER. On the way to your car, I throw up in the grass next to your driveway. The grass you water everyday and trim to the perfect length. You sit with me for hours as nurse after nurse tries to find a vein for an IV. I ask you how many Weight Watchers points the IV is and you laugh even though it's not a funny joke. That was one time you saved my life.
While getting ready for work, I realize I have five extra minutes before I have to leave. I decide to fry an egg. I turn on the burner to heat the pan and walk away. Immediately, I smell the fumes. I turned on the wrong burner and now a plastic lid it melted on the coils. I open the door and turn on the fan. Spike is sneezing. A lot. I leave for work, worried about my puppers. So terrified that he's going to die while I'm at work all day. I call you. You go over to Apartment K and take him for a walk and open the window. That is the time you saved my dog's life.
Every time you help me. Every time you laugh. Every time you smile. These are the times you make my life better.
While getting ready for work, I realize I have five extra minutes before I have to leave. I decide to fry an egg. I turn on the burner to heat the pan and walk away. Immediately, I smell the fumes. I turned on the wrong burner and now a plastic lid it melted on the coils. I open the door and turn on the fan. Spike is sneezing. A lot. I leave for work, worried about my puppers. So terrified that he's going to die while I'm at work all day. I call you. You go over to Apartment K and take him for a walk and open the window. That is the time you saved my dog's life.
Every time you help me. Every time you laugh. Every time you smile. These are the times you make my life better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)