Dear Ryan Reynolds,
I am so sorry to hear that you and Scarlet Johansson did not work out. However, I think there is another option that would be better for you: Me. Here are a few reasons we should be together (in no particular order).
1. We are both newly divorced. Going thru this alone can be overwhelming. I am willing to help you thru this hard time.
2. You were named People's Sexiest Man Alive whereas I am the sexiest woman that lives in Apartment K. See the connection?
3. I want to be domestic. How do you like your eggs? I will cook them for you. Do you prefer Era or Tide? I don't have a preference.
4. I enjoy naked time. You may not want to go Full Monty right away, so I can settle for Topless Tuesdays. Whatever works for you.
5. I am used to winter weather. I know you are from Canada and Indiana is very similar in climate. So long as we take frequent trips to warmer places, I am good to live in Canada too.
6. I may still have artwork that says "Kathy and Ryan." I haven't cleaned up everything at my old house yet. This includes a framed piece of art from one of my friends. It was a wedding gift for me and the other Ryan.
7. Reynolds is an easy last name to pronounce. I will have no problem taking your name, dear.
8. We are both Packer fans. That should be enough right there.
9. I have gotten really good at doing "special things" recently and I would love to practice on you.
Give me a call sometime.
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